[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]
What do concrete, a dull axe and a tree have in common? They serve as a memorial to me as to the fruitlessness of my own resentments. In the immortal words of Inigo Montoya (Princess Bride) “I will explain. Wait, there is too much, I will sum up”.
On an otherwise beautiful spring day, I had a singular goal. Pour a concrete bumper at the edge of a gravel walkway to hold said gravel in place. It was a simple task that ended up serving as an indelible reminder of events in my life.
To actually “sum up”, the exercise was frustrating due to a tree root in my way. I only had a dull hatchet, a shovel and a lot of pent up frustration in which to rid myself of the 4 inch diameter root in the way of my otherwise mediocre concrete pour. After an hour of frustration I did what almost anyone else would do…I gave up and poured the concrete over the root. That’s right, I left the root there to inevitably crack the concrete.
A root does naturally what it is supposed to do. It grows. Upon recent reflection of this, I am discovering a lot of roots in my life I have covered in concrete out of despair, frustration, fatigue and worst of all resentment. Resentment with myself, others and most egregious, God himself. I am not proud of this. Yet, it seems I am not alone in this struggle.
I made many mistakes that Spring day and I am finding the allegory plays out clearly in the resentments that go beyond a tree root. These roots of resentment continue to grow and have served only to expose me and reveal deep crevasses in my life. You can be sure they will find you as well. My hope is that I can learn and then help my brothers and sisters discover theirs. (Ps. 51:13)
So, here are a few lessons I learned.
Lesson 1 – Discover the Source
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Eph 4:31
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;” Hebrews 12:15
Why: The New Testament clearly calls believers to expunge (what a fun word) the root of bitterness (resentment) from our lives. This is a process of discovery for most of us. Most frequently the behavior we display is merely the fruit of a deeper root source. God loves us enough to lead us toward Himself by removing these from our lives. He is compassionately relentless in the pursuit of our sanctification. His aim is to make us like Him, not give us our wishes. (Rom. 8:28-29)
What: In order to discover the root, here are a few questions to consider. What or who are you really struggling? What expectations did you bring into the situation that may play a role in your disillusionment at the moment? Where is God in that? What attitudes and actions reveal what you really think about God, His sovereignty (authority), His wisdom, and His promised love and care for you?
How: Discovering roots of resentment, anger, bitterness etc. Is an arduous and time consuming process. It involves exploring the past, facing the hurts and disappointments, confessing the sin, restoring relationships and surrendering it all to God. It will have to be intentional and may required the help of friends, pastors, and counselors to uncover the deepest roots. The first step is admitting there is a need to do this discovery. If you are saying in your mind right now there is no resentment, then that may be a good indicator to start digging.
Lesson 2 – Sharpen Your Axe
“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” Joshua 1:8
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
Why: The Word of God is the key to removing the root(s) that hold us back from freedom in Christ. There is no greater power than the Word of God to bring to light the struggles and then also to show us by example, story and command how to remove these roots and release the power of pride and anger that prevents us from living the life of liberty Christ has for us. The enemy seeks to devour us in these things to attempt to thwart the will of the Lord. But as we see with Job (42:1-5) that will not happen.
What: In what way is the Word of God being used in your life for everyone else but yourself? It can be tempting to relegate the Word to teaching for others without letting it penetrate and cut us deep where we need it. What commitment have you made to memorize, absorb and process the Word deeply for yourself? (Col. 3:16) What is God’s desire for you? What does the Word of God say about who you are and what He desires? What will you do to allow Him into the deepest part of your heart to reveal and heal those parts that you have held on to hurts, trauma, anger, resentment, pride, and other struggles?
How: A possible first step is simply to pray by admitting your powerlessness to the Lord. Confess the root you are struggling with and place it in His hands. Acknowledging our dependance upon the Lord is seemingly a basic tenet of faith, but it is one that the Scriptures spend a great deal of time exhorting us to do. The flesh is weak and the enemy desires to keep us distracted and discouraged from the Word of God and the power of it in our lives to not only help us but to truly transform us (Rom. 12:2) and bring the peace that passes all understanding to guard our hearts (from anger, bitterness, resentment, strife, envy and the like) in Christ Jesus.
Lesson 3 – Clear the Path
“Go through, go through the gates; prepare the way for the people; build up, build up the highway; clear it of stones; lift up a signal over the peoples.” Isaiah 62:10
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8
“Since you have purified your souls by obedience to the truth so that you have a genuine love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from a pure heart.” 1 Peter 1:22
Why: When the path is clear, when the heart is surrendered and when our eyes are seeing clearly the Lord works and does miraculous things in and through us. He does them often in spite of us frequently, but He is most pleased and most honored when we are most surrendered to His will. Jesus, the Lord of the universe, cleared the path and made the way for redemption by saying “not my will, but thy will be done”. He instructed us to do the same in the Lord’s prayer. By clearing the path we will see emerging shoots coming up that will become roots and keep our hearts clear of the debris and have tender, compassionate and joy filled days despite the pains and disappointments that come our way. In this we “endure with patience”. (James 1:12-18)
What: Now that you have exposed the root(s) of bitterness. What are you willing to do about it? What lengths will you go to ensure that the path stays clear now and in the future? What relationships have been effected over your lifetime because of it’s presence? What is the Lord calling you to do in righting those relationships? Will you choose the freedom that comes through trusting God or will you retreat from the exposed root and leave it there to grow back another day? What promises of God are waiting for you on the other side of this resentment you have held for so long? What are you afraid will happen if you surrender this to Him?
How: Read. Write. Pray. Surrender. Repeat. Surround yourself with the truths of God and people who will speak that truth to you on a daily basis. Fight the fight of faith to walk with God even when the boiling anger rages up inside of you. Let that anger find its place at the altar of God and the throne of grace where the power to forgive and the power to bring peace to the heart resides. Only in Christ can our roots of bitterness and anger be exposed and healed. Childhood trauma. Self-inflicted wounds of guilt, words said in anger, losses and mistreatment can all be entrusted to the God of all grace who endured all of that and death for us all.
Lesson 4 – Monitor Regrowth
“6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” 1 Peter 5:6-10
“Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!” 2 Corinthians 5:12
Why: Roots are always growing. As long as life persists there will be opportunity for roots of resentment and bitterness to grow. Some of it will be from our own sinful hearts, some from the actions of others and some will be circumstances beyond human control (Disease, Natural disasters). Staying vigilant and watchful as the 1 Peter verse above advises allows us to see human suffering in light of the Gospel and remain steadfast, accepting of His providence and humble before the Lord.
What: In monitoring regrowth, what areas are you most prone to try to return to “Egypt”. What ways is it tempting to look back and “pet” your past hurts and keep them as fuel for your present attitudes and behaviors? What areas of self-righteousness are tempting to creep in when you feel justified in your anger? What way does fear enter into the scenario for you and threaten to undo your focus and dig up old resentments? What hope do you have in God’s power to help you “forget that which is behind and press on toward the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”?
How: “In all things by prayer and supplication make your requests known to God.” (Phil. 4:6-7) There are many places in Scripture where the word “all” is used. The God of “all” comfort. Let “all” bitterness. My God will supply “all” your needs. God is working “all” things together for good. The list goes on. When God uses all he means all. That is everything. All pain, all injustice, all sin, all fear. etc. etc. To prevent roots from regrowing the first place to begin is with our acknowledgement of Him. That he can be trusted with the past as well as present and future. A root cannot grow in the presence of complete trust in Christ. This monitoring begins there and continues by staying connected to biblical community. Transparency in the struggle is crucial as well. Honesty with yourself and with others as you heal and as you face the very real and present danger of regrowth.
Am You Struggling?
Here are a few ways you may be able to know there are deep resentments below the surface. Most of us have had these thoughts or thoughts like them, at some point in our life.
- “All I ever wanted was…”.
- “If they would have (or would not have) done this.. then…”
- “I am not sure God cares about….”
- “Nobody cares about…”
- “I have done everything I knew to do and yet….”
- “I have learned that I am the only one I can trust…”
- “This always happens…”
- “Everybody does…”
- “It’s just not fair that..”
- “I am the only one that….”
- “Somebody needs to make them pay for…”
- “Why did God make me this way…”
There are many varieties of these statements yet the profound truth remains that nearly all of us have struggled in thought, word or deed around issues such as these. Let us all acknowledge and remember the words of Job in response to the very difficult things that came into his life by God’s hand.
1 Then Job answered the Lord and said: 2 “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. 3 ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. 4 ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ 5 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; 6 therefore I despise myself, and repent[a] in dust and ashes.” Job 42:1-6
[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]