February 14, 1984. I was 11 years old as I stood in the doorway of Mr. Mosher’s 5th grade class in Port Orange, FL. Twenty five pairs of eyes stared holes in my clothing as I looked across the room. I was the new kid. Small for my age, and suffering from a deep need of orthodontic intervention, it was awkward to say the least. To add to the awkwardness, it was Valentines Day. A day for emphasizing relationships which I had none. It was my third school in 4 years. Starting over, again. Hopelessly optimistic, I was excited to make new friends and be in a new place. Full of energy and life, I was going to be one of the smart kids that everybody liked or so I deluded myself to believe. Somehow I did know every decision I made here would impact my relationships for the rest of my time there. I had every advantage and disadvantage at the same time. Sad to say, the initial results were socially disastrous. Likewise, many new leaders come into new minsitries full of energy only to face struggle and sometimes disastrous beginnings.
I have frequently found myself in a position where I am the “new guy” both when I was a child and in ministry. Some have been as awkward as my 5th grade experience. Each transition has had a purpose and meaning, yet there have admittedly been more of them than I would have hoped. Transitions are hard, and building relationships is always a challenge. For a pastor, that new position is usually as terrifying as it is exciting. There are hundreds of things I wish I had known as a new pastor on staff. Often there were things that people may have tried to teach that I was too stubborn or prideful to follow. I have also experienced many unforeseeable and unavoidable challenges posed by leadership and people I was called to serve.
With 29 years under my belt since that 5th grade transition, what kernels of experience and wisdom can I share with those who find themselves the “new guy” in a leadership position? Well, here are 10 things that I have either tried to follow or wish I had followed in my 20 years as worship pastor.
Be Authentic But Not Too Transparent.
The immediate struggle in any new situation is the pressure to integrate quickly. While this desire is good, it is too easy to be seen as forcing it. It is true that some environments are harder to connect than others. Some situations you will find hidden hurts and unmet expectations from previous leaders that make your job more difficult. You may find staff members that were not entirely convinced you are the right fit for the ministry. You may find people involved in the ministry that think they could or should have the position you hold. Maybe you have been hurt previously and bring some struggles with transparency with you. Maybe you’re hoping to be liked and therefore will say or do things you think will help. Insert your experience here.
Historically, I have been a person who is an open book. You ask me just about anything about my life and I will tell you. I continue to strive to find the balance of making sure I stay authentic but not give people more than they want or need to know. This has worked against me more than for me. Too much transparency to the wrong audience can be just as harmful as being closed off. Admittedly, I am not very good at this. I do know you have to be very careful to make sure you are not trying too hard or forcing yourself on people and likewise not being so closed that people can’t know you. This is in the number one spot because it is the most subjective and in my experience the most difficult to balance. Much depends on the health of the church and the leadership model they possess. If you are in a hurting church, or find yourself to be a hurting pastor, get some strong biblical counsel so you can be a wise and effective leader for God’s people. The next 9 principles may prove helpful with this area.
Be Quiet.
No seriously… LISTEN. At that moment you feel your turn has come to speak, don’t. Unless you’re convinced of a biblical cause or heresy that must be confronted, and even then be careful, just don’t speak. You will know people are ready to hear your voice when they say.. “tell us your thoughts on this”. You will also come to realize, especially among pastoral staff, that others will be thinking of the same concerns and will address them where you do not have to. This is a safeguard for you early in your ministry.
If you succeed, you may find that you will learn a lot about how decisions are made and how you can best contribute in the future. You wisdom and knowledge will be needed. Cash your chips when it counts. Earn respect by knowing how to keep silent. Based on the verbosity of this blog post you can see I am still seeking to learn this myself.
Be Slow.
Remember that the barometer of change you possess as a new leader runs faster than that of your people. I have a fast car. Not too fancy, but it does go fast. When I press the gas pedal it responds. Too well, I am afraid. Not so much with the mini-van I have. Both are V6 powered engines and good vehicles, but they move at very different rates. As a leader you are used to a fast response from yourself and possibly the other ministry you had been in for a season. Remember that your new ministry is more like the mini-van. Both will get up to speed, but they will do it at different rates. Be anxious for nothing. Take a deep breath and whatever pace you set, slow it down by half. Count the cost of building the tower, earnestly seek wisdom. Live in James 1:5.
Be Steady.
Resist the temptation to run at the tempo of both your ambition or the ambition of others. Again, breathe. This is a long-term ministry. Write your thoughts, vision, and ideas and then share them with NO ONE in your ministry until you can put an incremental plan in place that is suitable for your people and saturated in prayer. In the beginning you have will a lot of people around you telling you how fast or slow to go. Hear them, but only listen to the Holy Spirit. Do not trust yourself either. Be steady in God’s Word and vigilant in creating as much consistency in your leadership as quickly as you possibly can.
Be Ready.
Ready for what you ask? Conflict. Yes, conflict. Do not seek or pick a fight, but be ready for the inevitable screw up on your part and/or the personality, theological, philosophical, methodological conflict. It will come. People are sinners, including you, and people will find ways to sin against each other. Knowing this we can keep expectations appropriately placed and as a leader you will not be shocked when sinners (including yourself) do what they do best. Sin. This may sound a bit harsh but the reality is knowing that people are sinners allows leaders to love deeper, care better and be more gracious in understanding the shared malady humanity possesses. Humble yourself before God and be a biblical peacemaker as you serve. Become well versed in conflict management strategies based on Scripture. [Learn more About Peacemaking]
Be Prayerful.
This is probably the most important point, and yet will likely be the first one to go if you have stress in your ministry transition. If you are a pastor reading this, you know what you should do. You do not need me to outline ways to pray. You also know if you are truly being prayerful or if you are faking it. The issue is one of discipline for leaders as we become much more comfortable in our professional position than we do as prayerful shepherds. Stop doing and spend more time being with God. I am definitely preaching to myself on this one.
Be a Servant.
You can’t out serve. Be the example of Christ to your people. You will likely never do this well enough for some and others will try to esteem you as being “too important”. If there is a place of menial service seek it out; not so you can be seen “being humble” but so you can remind yourself of your calling to serve. Are you in a large church with a lot of influence? The bigger the church the more you need to work at this. Go spend an hour with the janitor and get to know him/her and help them with whatever task they have that day. Find a time to serve in the nursery or move chairs. Create a diet that includes service to God’s people in ways that reflect the Gospel of Christ.
Be Unassuming.
There are two ways this plays out. When you arrive at a new position it is easy to assume that you are now the resident expert in your area of ministry. While this should have a level of truth to it, do not assume that people are really ready for you to be that person in their lives. Your ideas, agenda, and vision may be perfectly matched for the church, but playing the role of “Archbishop Theologicus” in advance of relationships can be a dangerous assumption. This is especially true in support ministry staff. Your evaluations of ministry deficiencies may be right on target but if you assume too much authority too quickly you will likely damage the very relationships you are trying to preserve.
The second way is that you assume that the search team, committee or staff have represented the reality of ministry in the church correctly. Teams are made of small, and usually somewhat narrow focused groups. They do not represent the whole picture of ministry desires, attitudes, issues or sinful habits present at the church. Do not assume that they have told you or know everything. Be aware that they may also have a stated believe and an actual practice that differ. This happens a great deal. We are all flawed in our application of our theology yet, do not assume that the words you hear are always going to be backed up with action. Be careful likewise with your words and decisions knowing that you do not know the whole story. Most of the people in your ministry carry some kind of opinion, concern, hurt and/or frustration. You are their shepherd, love them and be careful not to assume too much of them.
Be Aware.
First and foremost of yourself. Stay connected with former accountability friends and let them ask you the hard questions. As a new leader, likely in a new town, it will take time to learn who you can trust with your personal thoughts. The first person to befriend you may not be the best person to be most transparent. Be also aware of your family. Be aware of how they are connecting with people and getting the spiritual nourishment they need from you and the church body.
Be aware of the sinful nature or man and the schemes of the enemy. Do not forget the spiritual battle that is not of flesh and bone but of spirits and principalities. Your people, the circumstances and the sins that are present are all a part of God’s sovereign plan for you at that very moment. You cannot rest and you cannot relent in your awareness.
On a different note, be aware of the past. Learn all you can from where the church and your people have been before focusing too much on the future. Know what is important to them and help them see that you are learning about them through love before setting sail on your agenda.
Be Fearful…of God Alone.
I cannot stress this one enough. I am convinced that the greatest threat to the pastoral ministry today is a self-sufficiency in leadership of God’s people. As a leader you will have fears. You will experience failure. You will sin. You will not meet expectations. You will miscommunicate. You will want to look better than you really are. You will be tempted. You may even get fired. But you cannot afford to fear anyone but God alone. The fear of God and the shepherding of your own soul is the only safeguard for your life and ministry. The other 9 items above hinge on this principle. I cannot tell you how much I have lamented the times I have failed in this area. [Read This Book]
I learned a lot in the transition to 5th grade. As it turns out the same people in that classroom who contributed to my difficult transition became many of the best friends I had through High School. We learned how to get along. We learned how to forgive. We fought through the social issues. I also learned to surf and got some braces for my teeth which helped some. Fitting into a new social structure is hard work. It can be very rewarding if you can make it past being “the new guy”.
Pastor, welcome to your ministry. I am sure there are those would be able to add much greater wisdom and knowledge than I to this subject. I see guys coming and going on staff all the time. In my area of ministry especially. I hope to be the new guy again one day, and maybe I will actually take some of my own advice. I also hope the next one like the move to Port Orange, FL will the be last. May we all have great humility and wisdom as we serve.